Not the People's Court

With Justice, I've now been to what is called "Family Court" three times. Lil has been twice. Justice has been about five-thousand times.

At least, that's judging by the hash-marks she keeps on her bedroom wall under a sign that reads, "Number of Times I've Been to Court".

I could easily be exagerating, as Justice's adeptness with Roman numerals is questionable.

Yesterday, though, we added another hash mark to Justice's board, and as always, it's a stressful time. She feigned apathy about it, but her outbursts for the day previous and the rest of the day were as telling as a neon "kick me, I'm in foster care" sign. As I told her, "I was scared. There were lawyers there and a judge saying a lot of things that I didn't understand. There were baliff's there who looked nothing like Richard Moll, and seemed impressively capable of using the weapons at their sides, and then there was a judge who appeared to have the capacity to eat radioactive waste as a sampler plate."

This particular court date had the wonderfully added stress of the fact that Justice's potential biological father was present with his family. I say potential because paternity has not been established yet. However, among a myriad of other logical evidence, he was paying child support for Justice. Granted, Justice doesn't even know the man, and up until last year, had considered herself "white" with a "good tan".

Yeah, George Hamilton wishes he could get that good of a tan.

Convincing Justice that she is actually half black, and it shows, has been something of an ongoing chore, but one that we've readily pursued. She cannot pass for anything other than black and really shouldn't have or want to. Since almost everyone Justice has ever known of as family has been white, the trick has been to give her roll models that actually look like her. And let me tell you, if you measure racial beauty by this child, then racism would be a thing of the past. The mix of white, black and hispanic has yeilded a very smart, very cunning and very beautiful child.

The best of all things from all races is proof that God loves wonderous variety.

Still, at the end of the day, she's 9 years-old, and she doesn't even remotely understand what's going on with her world. I'm 32 and there are whole stretches that I don't understand. It's asking a lot to grasp that the man you knew and have been calling "dad" isn't, and a total stranger is who doesn't even remotely fit your world view of "dad" is. It's asking even more for her to meet and accept this man, especially when she has found relative peace and stability with perfect strangers. She, wisely or not, refused to meet him, and at this point, is under no obligation to do so.

If paternity is established, that will change.

She has a very real and not unreasonable fear that she may have to pull up stakes and go live with this entirely new family.

This is also the same fear that Lil and I have.

Fear, because as much as Justice has stressed, fought, annoyed and tormented us, she's also taught us how to be patient, kind, giving and grasp that the fundamental job of a parent, beyond loving and caring for a child, is to pass on knowledge and experience, to help them over the big and little bumps of life, to let them burn themselves on the stovetops of life, but not too badly and always give them hugs and kisses until the tears are gone and the smiles return.

This is also the same hope that Lil and I have.

Hope because Justice's father has stepped up to the plate and wants to take ownership for his actions. Because he came calling to the court when he finally got the news and brought a good portion of his family with him, mother, brother, fiancee yesterday. And also because as much as Justice has taught us, every man and woman, if found capable, should be given the opportunity to raise and share in the joy that is their child, their responsibility. In the case of Justice and Reggie, the rare decision that a parent is worthy of a beautiful and smart child filled with potential to become anything, will be placed with a body that has as its credo the best intentions of the child.

This is a very scary time for all of us. For Lil and I more so than Justice, who is by design and fortune, largely insulted from all of these concerns. For the five of you who regularly read this blog (and just why aren't you commenting on this award-winning articles?) I would ask that you pray, not for us, but for Justice. Pray for both the child and the concept. It is not so important that she do that with us or with Reggie, but that she be given the best chance at a full and rewarding life.